I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
