my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
