Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
