sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
