Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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