If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
