im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
did you just send me my own nude
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
