I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
