I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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