I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
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So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Alive.
So much puke
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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