so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
