He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
