i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
