But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
