She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
