how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
