My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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