maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
