Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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