Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
