Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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