guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
