No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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