Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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