turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
