Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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