Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
