I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
