Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
