i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
