His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
