I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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