just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Holy shit dude........stairs
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