I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
