I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
