my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what day is it and did you see me today?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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