I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
