You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
