According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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