1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
