I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
