I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
