worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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