It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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