But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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