i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
