there's paper in my vomit.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
