marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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