i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Text me some of your sweat
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
