she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
