Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
