the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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