I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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