i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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