After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I FOUND THE LEGS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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