I got chris browned last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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