last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
