Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
