What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
