You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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