I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
